This all bubbled up in my head as a form of catharsis, because I'm going to die AFTER my niece, who is, in fact, very very small. The length of our lives is unfairly proportioned and in my mind dominated by a need for balance, there is none. The worse thing I was told was “When God calls a soul, they have to answer.” which is counter intuitive, because it implies they I wouldn't hate God for taking my niece away. God taking a child's life is like giving Conan O'Brian his own show then taking it away after a few months.
Thank you, that's my pop-culture reference for the month.
It's still not right, as Mandra said. Not morally, and it doesn't feel natural. It literally feels like something is wrong with the universe. And, Damnit, I tried SO fucking hard not to care. I've tried to cut that little girl out of my life because I knew this was going to happen, and it doesn't help. She's still family, She still a little girl with cancer, and she's still going to die. The Domino effect of her death will probably wipe out the last vestiges of my rotting family tree, like an explosion in a Bejeweled game. (Bejeweled? Ugh, I play too many games)
So, what's the purpose of life if not to live. We're only given so much time, and we're not aloud to look at the clock.
I get the selfish feeling like I should be focusing on what I want to do, while I still have time.