The Mike Says...
Wednesday the 25th of November 2009
Marketers understand pedophilia and it's starting to piss me off.

Okay, I'm gonna rant here. One of my biggest pet peeves, and the reason I avoid most TV, is commercials. The more I watch them, the more they aggravate me. You see, a commercials one and only purpose, whether it be for a car, a drug, or a church, is to trick you out of your money. When the time for a commercial is purchased by who-ever, remember to ask who is paying for TV time. YOU ARE.

Not being enough of an irritant, I've learned a thing or two about human reaction toward children. In general, we have a sort of genetic adoration of large eyes, large head, child like features that tug at our heart strings and, in some small way, our loins. This is especially true of women. Don't get me wrong. I'm mostly over my gynophobia, but think about this. When a woman sees a baby, they generally are reminded how they are made.

So now, when I see a baby on TV, I get really irritated, 'cuz all it reminds me of is some asshole in front of a pie-chart saying "Babies are what we need to get the money rolling in." ARGH!

There are three main reasons this child fetish in commercials (with toy ads as an exception) make me mad as hell.
1) Babies indirectly, but very intentionally make us think of sex. That means this is another form of Sex Sells. Ugh.
2) Someone has allowed their baby to be put in front of the camera for money. Commercials are ALL about the dead presidents. That smacks to me of child exploitation. GRRR!
3) Worse of all, the child really is being thought of as a tool for making money. THAT MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH FIDO!

I know you guys are saying "Mike! Calm down, for Hastur's sake!" but you don't understand. I see this every day and it piles on me, Man. Baby commercial. Baby commercial. Baby commercial. Babies playing golf. Babies talking about finances. Babies being safe in your brand new SUV. Babies waddling on Hoover-Clean carpets. Babies brushing up against clean and Friskey fed kittens. IT'S JUST MORE THAN A MAN CAN BARE!

So, in summery, every time you see baby in an advertisement, you're having sex with it! And remember the ass-hat whose pimping it to your brain!

*storms out yanking a bottle from a baby's grasp*

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