The Mike Says...
Thursday the 14th of September 2006
So, I’m making chili and I’m using using jalapeños for the first time. I figure, no prob, I’ll just cut them up and put them in. No biggy.

While after I’m done cutting, I feel this slight tingling on the left side of my mouth. It feels like pepper, so, I figure I’ll explore a little with my tongue. Yeah, that’s the jalapenos. Oh God! That’s a lot hotter than I thought…It’s…AGHHGHGHH!!!

The Side of my mouth starts burning like no one’s business! I immediately start for the milk. No effect. IT doesn’t even have an effect on my tongue, which is suffering it’s usual hot stuff suffering. I tried wiping the side of my mouth, being careful where pepper oil might spread, but somehow, I got the oil in my nose! So now my nose if burning and every time I take a breath, I start coughing as if my lungs wanted out.

And oh God, it burns! It burns like I set fire to my nose. Like someone maced me just in the left part of my mouth. It burns like Gods retribution. And I’m afraid to tough anything for fear of spreading the evil jalapeno oil onto it. I’m thinking things like “How am I gonna wipe my ass?” and “What if my eye itches?!?!” I’m thinking “Well, no porn for me tonight unless I wanna face the wrath of Satan’s hot pepper all over my swimsuit areas.”

God damn, as I write this, my throat and fingers brun, still! Why! Why did I have to make authentic Mexican chili? Why couldn’t I make eggs and toast, or cereal. That’s what I should have. Cereal.

God damn. Peace freak’n Ouch!

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